What I feel I cannot put into words. Sadness does not fully describe it. It is more than that. Hurt cannot even justify what I feel. Discouraged is not even IT.
I’ve always bragged about the fact that I am strong. But strength can sometimes reach a breaking point. I crumbled and I cried and I failed myself by saying, “this HURTS a lot.” This will hurt tomorrow and the next, but it won’t HURT FOREVER. I am very SURE!
These are the only words I can summon myself to write.
My happy ending remained ELUSIVE. It is not for me. Maybe some other time.
Posted in ::Because I realized:: | No Comments »
:: The look the boys do not ever want to see. ::
I wanted to do justice to my chosen formal dress, a Chinese inspired black cut with an embroidered dragon up front. It has a sexy slit on the sides that yelled take a peek and you’re dead. Doing a self portrait was both fun and hard. The boys laughed like crazy at every attempt I made, from clicking the camera to positioning myself in front of it. I have explained to them about taking pictures, how it can be a part of us. Both said - sort of a remembrance? Small M said I should make a scrapbook with all the pictures that I like. An interesting input from a 7 year old boy who loves arts.
While in this dress they made me dance - my hump my hump. I felt like Sisa, the mother of Basilio and Crispin. They joined me in the middle of the song and we ended rolling ourselves on the floor with laughter. I love moments like this. If only someone took our picture.
Talking about remembrance, my 15 year old patient at the orthopedic ward asked for a remembrance on my last day of duty. I brought with me my famous Amos cookies. I gave it to him and wrote something on it. We had our picture taken and we said our farewells. The other boy adjacent to his bed called me IDOL. He liked talking to girls and every time I ask him questions, he would blush terribly.
Nex to motherhood, I love being a nurse. It fills me with so much happiness.
Posted in ::In my circle - Family+Friends+'d boys ::, ::Remembering Crossings + Thoughts:: | 4 Comments »
Meeting my deadline.
::Excerpt::
We are so different you know. Maybe this was the main issue between us. Different in perspective, in principles, in finding meaning in the most ordinary things. I think I gave you a hard time understanding what was inside me. Trust was the main thing. And trust was the only thing that I wanted to have and understand.
You indeed CHANGE MY WORLD!
Posted in ::Because I realized:: | 6 Comments »
